


Drinking the stress away

by Amaehonne



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaehonne/pseuds/Amaehonne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With only two nights left before <i>The Expedition</i> they all agreed that some relaxation is required. Before everyone goes crazy from the stress. </p><p>  <i> Tenderness and safety was what they needed; that’s what both of them longed for. </i></p><p>/// I promise to rewrite this fic properly one day ///</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now with some forehead touching.  
> Enjoy!

‘No, listen. It’s actually a good idea!’ Jean exclaimed, sounding nearly desperate.

‘...Really?’ one of the new Survey Corps recruits asked shyly turning her gaze from Jean to other members of Levi’s squad present in the dining hall.

‘Well,’ started Armin ‘the idea itself is not bad but hardly possible to accomplish... And where do you plan to get all the vine from?’

 

With only two nights left to the Reclamation of Wall Maria expedition there was hardly anything to do other than count supplies and ready the horses. By now all of them could recite the main plan and formation in the middle of the night, half swallowed by a titan (not that they had a chance to confirm that assumption but everyone felt positive it was true). Erwin and Hanji were always merciless when it came to theoretical preparation but this time they seemed even worse. No one really blamed them, everyone felt that this wasn’t about to be simply a next expedition. It was The Expedition.

And so with everyone excited and ready the only thing left was to wait and get more and more nervous. If it wasn’t for Levi’s usual nagging about everyday chores, they’d all probably gone crazy by now.

So when this short new girl – they only recognized from attempts at making Armin notice her – came to them and proposed they relaxed before departure by having a party, Sasha and Connie almost broke a table with all the excitement.

Of course by party all of them meant drinking trough the night and getting wasted enough to forget about the world (and then they would still have all day and night to cure the hangover and be back in form and ready).

Even Jean who thought that the girl only came up with the idea to make Armin drunk enough so she could make out with him, somehow felt appealed by the perspective of relaxing for a few hours.

(Un)fortunately, they had Armin to remind them that there was no way the idea would pass without their superiors finding out.

Mikasa, sitting at the end of the table looked around at all the deflated expressions. At first she was planning to stay away from their weird plans and maybe just overlook their silly ideas to make sure Eren didn't accidentally hurt himself in the process. She simply didn’t think it was a good idea. But the sudden thought of everyone dear to her relaxed and having fun for a change, before it all went to shit during the expedition made her reconsider.

So when everyone seemed to give up on the idea she decided to take matters in her own hands.

‘We could always make Eren ask Levi’s permission.’

Everyone present suddenly looked at her in bewilderment. Jean and Sasha almost looked like they saw Sina’s ghost or as if it was Historia herself smiling at them.

‘Technically, we could all ask Levi!’ said Connie deep in thought. ‘I think by now he likes us enough to listen.’

The new girl, now forgotten, started stomping from one foot to another not sure what to do with herself.

Of course Armin noticed.

‘Come on, sit with us. It was your idea to begin with.’ He said, smiling.

‘Actually, we all came up with it!’ shouted a unfamiliar new recruit from the adjacent table.

After shooting the boy a polite smile, Armin’s gaze went back to the standing girl as he pointed at the small spot on the bench between himself and Jean. The girl shyly nodded and begun rounding the table to sit. Jean moved to Armin and made a place for her between him and Connie so she could sit more comfortably, of course. She exchanged a sharp look with Jean and offered him a flat ‘thank you’. Armin rolled his eyes.

‘So I think Mikasa is right’ Armin started and everyone automatically agreed with him. ‘If one or even all of us went to Levi he’d just brush us off and made us ‘clean’ the idea out of our heads.’

Everyone kept nodding, remembering last time they asked Levi to maybe organize a party in order to celebrate Erwin’s successful plan and Christa's coronation.

_‘It’d be a pain in the ass to clean all the puke after your immature drinking’ Levi said then._

They all whined in unison apparently remembering the same thing. And back then Levi was even in a good mood, unlike now when he seems constantly pissed off or just tired.

‘But’ Armin suddenly continued. They turned to him with hopeful expressions. ‘If it was Eren asking him, making it seem like it’s something that’d make him feel better,' At that Mikasa nodded enthusiastically and offered Armin a small smile ‘I’m sure he’d reconsider.’

‘Um...’ the youngest girl started ‘I’m probably not in on all this Levi business but what difference does it make who of you asks the Captain? Wouldn’t it be better for all of us to go together?’

They all looked at her with lenient smiles.

‘Oh honey...’ Connie started placing his arm around her shoulders. ‘You’re here too short to notice.’

‘But our harsh Captain has a thing for Eren’ Sasha finished with a playful smile.

‘Yeah,’ Jean added bitterly ‘This idiot jumps into everything without thinking like a suicidal brat he is and instead of death sentence he gets to be Humanity’s Strongest’s pupil. _Ouch!_ ’

Mikasa kicked him under the table.

‘Well I wouldn’t put it like that’ Armin added, looking at Sasha. ‘But it is true that Eren has been with Levi the longest and, maybe except for superiors, really is the closest person to the Captain. Well, the closest _living_ person’ he finished not breaking the smile.

Everyone deflated and looked at the table in silence.

‘Well leave it to Armin to lift the mood before partying!’ Sasha exclaimed throwing her arms in the air.

Not having much time before the evening, they split to look for Eren and agreed to meet again after dinner to further discuss the plan.

 

Of course they first had to convince Eren, and it turned out to be a challenge. He stubbornly refused to admit that he held any special position in Levi’s eyes. He then said that there was no way that the captain would agree to something like that just before the expedition. Once again, Mikasa came to the rescue.

‘Maybe he’ll actually agree _because_ it’s so close.’

‘Yeah,’ Armin agreed with her. Eren seemed to hesitate under his pleading gaze. ‘Besides, half of us will probably be dead by the end of the week. We might as well relax before our squad-’

‘Fine!’ Eren interrupted him quickly, terrified, not willing to listen Armin’s death rate predictions. Especially that they tended to be well calculated and quite accurate in the end. ‘But I’m pretty sure even if by miracle Captain Levi agreed, Erwin won’t let us waste the funds on booze. ‘

They brushed it off and pushed Eren in the direction of Levi’s quarters.

 

Levi wasn’t very surprised to see Eren so soon after dismissing him from his office just half an hour ago, but started worrying after noticing the boy’s conflicted expression.

‘Weren’t you suppose to rest now?’ he asked from the spot on the floor, where he was checking the squad’s gear straps.

‘Well, yes...’ said Eren, walking into the room and sitting next to Levi. Instead of explaining right away he took another set of straps and started helping the captain with his task.

‘Did something happen?’ Levi asked, dropping the straps and focusing on Eren.

‘Ugh, no sir. Sorry. It’s really nothing...’ the boy mumbled.

‘Then stop bothering me and let me work.’ The captain said with a tone that could scare someone who knew him less.

Eren dropped the straps and rested his back on the side of Levi’s bed that was right behind him and let his head fall on the covers. Levi raised an eyebrow.

‘I’m really sorry to worry you sir, it’s such a silly idea.’ He stopped to give Levi a chance to just throw him out and spare him from asking about the drinking. Levi just looked at him calmly.

And when Eren finally spit out all about the ‘party plan’, the only change in Levi’s expression was his other brow joining the raised one.

‘Well’ Levi started and Eren looked at him expectantly. ‘I don’t think Erwin’s just going to give you this rum or money to buy some.’

‘That’s what I told them!’ Eren nearly shouted. ‘And then we’d have to clean all the mess we’d make and somehow keep ourselves from doing something stupid while drunk! And not run into one of the superiors or some new recruits!’ He took a short break to breath, then continued with little less fire in his voice, ‘I know it would probably be fun and relaxing but there is no time for that now! Sure, who wouldn’t like to get wasted and forget about it all? well I’d certainly love that but-’

‘Eren.’ Levi said firmly and the boy instantly closed his mouth. ‘I’ll talk to Erwin and let you know what we decided.’

‘So you agree?’ Eren asked in bewilderment ‘Sir?’ he added quickly when he realized his lack of manners.

‘I’m not sure yet.’ Levi stood up. ‘I’ll see what Erwin thinks about it. It’s not like there is something for you lot to do now.’

Eren smiled widely looking bright-eyed at Levi from his spot on the floor just now realising that maybe he actually wanted the captain to agree. Levi locked his gaze for a moment with Eren’s but suddenly turned to the window.

‘This shitty new building is so damn hot’ Levi opened the window and continued with his face slightly flushed. ‘I thought you said the idea is stupid.’

‘Well yes,’ Eren admitted timidly ‘but if you didn’t dismiss it on the spot, I guess it actually might be fun. It’s been a while since everyone just let go for a bit and enjoyed themselves.’ Eren looked out the window with a small smile, Levi watched him intently.

‘If ever’ he heard Eren add quietly to himself, both of them barely able to remember any merry moments in the Corps.

After a minute or so Eren finally blinked and realized where he still was. He looked at Levi with an apologetic smile and blushed when he noticed that the captain was still watching him.

Levi shook his head slightly closing his eyes.

‘I’ll find you after talking with Erwin’ Levi said and pointed at the door with his chin. Eren took it as his cue to leave and excused himself.

‘Thank you, sir!’ he shouted before running through the door into a long hall, where the rest of the squad was waiting for him in anticipation.

After the door closed Levi finally let out a long breath and run a hand across his face.

 

When Levi entered Commander’s office he found Erwin and Hanji the way he left them three hours ago – leaning over a big map placed on the desk.

‘Fuckin’ Sina’ Levi said dropping on the sofa across from them. ‘Do you even take a break to shit?’

‘Well I had a coffee break an hour ago.’ Hanji said all serious and looked at Levi’s grim expression.

‘I heard we have a party tonight’ Erwin said matter of factly, smiling slightly over the map.

Levi’s surprised face made Hanji laugh.

‘And how do you know that?’ By now he really shouldn’t be so shocked that Erwin somehow knew about everything that was going on in the Corps.

‘I overheard their devious plan while I was making that coffee.’ Hanji jumped on the couch next to Levi.

‘Fair enough.’ The captain laid his back on the sofa, making himself more comfortable. He still felt puzzled. ‘But what do you mean we _have a party_ , I haven’t agreed to shit yet. And do you even have the booze for them?’

Erwin looked at Levi over the desk with what looked like compassion and smiled.

‘Oh Levi...’ Hanji sighed, at which Levi furrowed his brows.

He suddenly caught up with what they were thinking.

‘Of course I’d be able to refuse them, I refused hundreds of their stupid bratty ideas!’ He crossed his arms defensively.

‘So you didn’t agree today?’ Erwin asked, the same smile still on his lips.

‘I said I’ll talk to you first.’

Erwin ‘hummed’ at that and looked at amused Hanji now playing with Levi's cravat.

Levi felt irritated at them with no apparent reason.

‘You should watch out,’ said Hanji suddenly with fake seriousness. ‘They dispatched their secret weapon.’ Levi looked at her in confusion as she continued. ‘Their very own, adorable, green-eyed weapon.’

That’s when it got to Levi why they pissed him of so much.

‘Oh you’re so full of shit’ he muttered and turned to face the backrest of the sofa, hiding a small colour that crept onto his cheeks. Unsurprisingly, Erwin laughed at that.

‘You see,’ Erwin started. ‘Hanji is right.’

Levi flashed him a finger not turning around. Erwin laughed again before continuing:

‘No, really. You’re lucky Eren still seems to be unaware of your little soft spot for him, or he would be using you right and left. The way you seem unable to say no to the boy is quite endearing.’

Hanji let out an agreeing sound and nodded enthusiastically.

‘He wouldn’t use that even if he was aware’ Levi mumbled, knowing that denying the fact that he favorised Eren was pointless when it came to those two observant bastards.

‘Hmm, that might be true’ Erwin agreed seriously. ‘But Armin certainly would, if it meant fulfilling their plans.’

Levi turned around at that to see Erwin smile mischievously. He personally found it disturbing - the prospect of Erwin Junior (as they liked to call Armin between the squad leaders) having a weapon to use Levi right and left made him shiver a bit. He almost forgot that the ‘weapon’ they were talking about was actually his Eren.

‘Why do you think they sent Eren to talk to you when he wasn’t convinced himself that the plan is a good idea? They even have Mikasa in on this.’

When Hanji said the last bit both men looked at her in disbelief.

‘Yup, I heard everything first hand’ Hanji added. And Levi kind of felt impressed by his squad’s negotiation powers to make Mikasa join before convincing Eren, but also a bit dissatisfied by their lack of stealth.

The knocking interrupted their little chat, as another squad leader came in with a report for Erwin.

They all focused on the map again and Levi took it as his cue to leave. Erwin’s voice stopped him right before the door.

‘Levi, I live the decision to you’ the commander said with all seriousness. But then ruined the act by adding, ‘Oh and while you’re at it, you can give them the vine barrels we got from Mr Brown. ‘

Levi rolled his eyes. Everyone was slowly going crazy before this expedition, drinking would actually do _all of them_ some good.

 

When Levi got to the dining hall his squad looked at him with hope in their eyes. When they realised how amateurish it was of them, they greeted him briefly and pretended to casually continue their chatting. Sasha and Connie didn’t even try and still looked at him with anticipation, Mikasa seemed unusually tensed. Only Eren acted normal as he smiled at Levi and stood, offering him a place at the head of the table. Levi took it and Eren instantly went to prepare a tea for his captain, without being asked.

The hall was getting empty with soldiers finishing their dinner and heading to baths for the evening. Finally leaving only Levi, his squad and a small group of new recruits sitting at the neighbouring table. It was then that Levi noticed a new face talking with Armin and shooting discreet, nervous glances in Levi’s direction.

It was Jean that finally broke the awkward anticipation.

‘So... what did the Commander say?’

Levi thought about Erwin’s stupid little smile and felt frustrated again. It must have showed on his face because all the young soldiers suddenly leaned away from him a bit unsettled. Well all of them except Mikasa, who looked at him challengingly. Her gaze seemed to warn him what happens should he dare to refuse Eren a bit of fun before returning to Shinganshina. Guess Levi was lucky they wanted the same thing.

‘He said that it’s up to me,’ Levi said truthfully and now the kids leaned in toward him in apprehension. ‘Whose idea was it?’

All of the new recruits suddenly turned away from them and pretended to not even listen to the conversation. Jean just pointed at the little girl next to him, who paled and looked at Levi, now terrified.

‘And you are?’

‘Lidia Kowalska, Sir! From 110th Trainees squad, Southern Division, Captain Levi Sir!’ the girl answered jumping from her sit. Levi almost felt sorry for her.

‘So young, didn’t even have a chance to be of use for the Corps and already having weird ideas about drinking with older soldiers’ Levi summarised her flatly.

The girl fought with herself to hold back the anxiousness that filled her eyes with tears.

‘I’m so sorry, Captain Levi sir, I just...’ she started with her voice trembling, hardly managing to hold Levi’s gaze. 'I just thought it would make everyone happy. I’m sorry...’

She almost started crying when suddenly a warm arm closed around her shoulders.

‘Don’t worry’ said Eren with a reassuring smile. ‘We’re all together in this and actually were thinking about something like that before you voiced the idea. I’m sure Captain actually considers you very brave, to come and talk to us, representing your friends.’ He then pointed at the stunned recruits at the nearby table. ‘Right, Captain?’

Levi nodded at Eren, not even surprised that the boy read his thoughts so well. Or maybe the man simply adjusted his trail of thought to match with Eren’s expectations? Hanji’s stupid comments were messing with Levi’s head again.

Lidia then relaxed a bit and discreetly wiped at her eyes before smiling. (She somehow reminded him of Petra, in a way. The ‘still water runs deep’ type, with polite smiles and bold ideas.)

‘So?!’ Sasha slammed her palm on the table, braking under tension.

‘Fuckin’ impatient.’ Levi muttered and took out a small paper from the inner pocked of his uniform, giving it to Armin. ‘This is a permit to take two barrels of vine from the west magazine. If you want it to be enough you better make sure the only people that participate are you lot and that desperate brat.’ He looked at Lidia and continued. ‘And I want to see our common room to be cleared by morning – I don’t give a shit how wasted or hangover you are. And no fucking puking or I’ll make you eat it back, understood?’

They scrutinized him for a while before suddenly jumping from their sits with shouts of victory and ‘thank you. Captain!’s. Connie actually run to Levi and patted his back, to which the man looked at him perplexed, making everyone laugh.

‘Okay, let’s move on!’ Jean intuitively took leadership over the situation. ‘Armin, you and Lidia make sure that Special Operations Squad’s common room is free and ready, Connie Mikasa and I will go to take care of transporting the booze, and Sasha you try to arrange some snacks,’

Even though it was all about the silly drinking plan, Levi swelled with pride at Jean’s perfect judgment on deciding on each individual tasks. With consideration of Mikasa’s and Connie’s muscles strength to get the heavy barrels, Armin’s organizing capability and Sasha’s secret conduct to steal snacks from the kitchen. Jean omitted Eren, correctly assuming that Levi would rather he stay with him to make sure he enjoys his tea.

What Levi took as consideration of his captains satisfaction was actually Jean’s selfish desire to make Eren stay with Levi instead of clinging to Armin all evening. Jean couldn’t help but notice that Armin paid significantly less attention to him when Eren was around.

‘And what about us?’ A boy from the other table asked shyly, making everyone stop and look at Levi.

‘And you cadets,’ Levi said referring to the small group of new recruits present in the room, ’are going to wake your cowardly asses first thing in the morning and report to me after you clean the mess after this stupid binge, my drunken squad will surely make a shitty job at cleaning after themselves.’

‘But...’ started the other new recruit, ‘we’re not going to drink with them?’

‘What, after sitting low and letting your little brave friend take all the blame for the idea?’

Lidia blushed at captain’s sudden praise and exchanged a tiny smile with Eren who was now sitting on Levi’s left, next to Mikasa.

‘Now out to the baths before the water gets cold.’ Levi concluded.

They didn’t have to be told twice. After the teenagers continued with their tasks Levi relaxed in the chair over the taste of his tea. He only realized that Eren was still there when the boy put his own drink on the table with a barely audible thud. They sat in peace for a while, enjoying the company.

‘Thank you, sir.’ Eren said finally, smiling at Levi over his cup. In return, Levi offered him a small smile of his own. Then they continued to drink in comfortable silence.

Only, when it came to they time of work, you couldn't simply stay silent for too long. it was a brief contentment before their thoughts inevitably drifted back to the looming death.

So after they both finished Levi took their cups and proceeded to clean them in the kitchen separated from the dining hall only by a tall counter. Eren joined him after few seconds to dry the mugs.

‘Sir?’

Levi noticed a determined look on the boy’s face, so he turned towards Eren and rested his hip against the counter to let him know he listened. And yet Eren didn’t start talking and simply continued to absentmindedly dry one of the cups.

 

Eren had no idea what exactly he planned to say. He wanted ease their worries, make Levi trust in them. He somehow wanted to reassure the captain that his new squad wouldn’t die easily, but he couldn't say it without making promises with no guarantee to keep. They both were reflecting on the same thoughts (or more truthfully, were trying not to think them) – that some of the 104th trainees might be dead in a few weeks or days. It was unimaginable for Eren and yet he knew well that they were no different from Petra, Eld and the rest of Levi’s previous squad. In fact, they were weaker, younger and less experienced. There was no way to predict who of them would fall; and lately Eren saw that uncertainty in Levi’s quietness and more visible circles under his eyes.

What Eren wasn’t aware of was that it wasn’t just possibility of loosing his new squad that bothered Levi. The men knew better than to worry prematurely about inevitable.

Eren had no idea how much it all lately hoarded on his captain.

Of course, Levi was ready to die any moment. And he knew he couldn’t help the concern about his new squad.

But there also came this sudden eerie feeling of Erwin’s impending death. (Obviously even Erwin was destined to die sooner or later). What made Levi fear about it though was the realisation that he had no idea what he’d do should it actually happen. How would he react? The thought itself - Erwin not being there somewhere to lead them - made Levi’s insides twist unpleasantly and he felt like he was about to drawn in an overwhelming sewer of dread. He had to quickly redirect his thoughts to not get swallowed by that feeling.

But then there came the thoughts about the syringe from Kenny, and how Levi was left with making the decision about its use. He was the Humanity’s Strongest but he was, after all, one of those humans. And that itself was sometimes almost too much.

Abrupt grip on Levis arm pulled him out from the grim thoughts. He noticed Eren’s worried face right next to his.

‘Captain,’ Eren whispered concerned, seeing Levi’s pained expression. Levi felt the boy’s warm breath on his face and breathed in deeply, sighing.

‘I’m fine,’ Levi said after a moment, leaning just a bit more into the comfort of Eren’s personal space. Both men felt themselves calming at the touch. They allowed their breaths mingle for a while.

Levi didn’t want to ever move again, he’d love to stay like this - inhaling Eren’s breath. Levi closed his eyes and let his forehead rest on Eren’s. The boy’s skin was smooth and abnormally warm, pleasing. Levi couldn’t think of a time when he touched someone this way. For a while he seemed to stop thinking altogether just allowing himself to be overwhelmed by the feeling of closeness and comfort.

 

When Eren looked at Levi from beneath his eyelashes, examining Levi’s tired features, he was struck by a sudden realisation that it would only take him few millimetres to join their lips together. He didn’t act upon that urge and inwardly scolded his juvenile mind. This felt good – he closed his eyes – just the way it was. Tenderness and safety was what they needed; that’s what both of them longed for.

Eventually Levi shook his head lightly against Eren’s forehead and scoffed. He allowed himself to look at the boy only after backing away a few steps, standing straight again.

‘You kids are making me soft’ he said with a smile.

Eren actually laughed at that.

‘But you were like that from the beginning!’

‘Oi, Yeager!’ Levi changed his tone to his usual stern and authoritative one. ‘You better go help your hopeless friends and stop fooling around, before I make you clean after them, instead of getting wasted with them.’

Eren wasn’t fazed one bit by the threat and merely nodded.

‘Well, at least then it would be done properly’ Eren shot boldly, saluting in his captain’s direction while leaving.

Levi couldn’t help but agree with the kid.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They’re in the best age to start all that shit. Fucking, marrying, maybe even falling in love – reproducing as Hanji’d called it._
> 
> _Yet here they were, with stolen childhoods, dead families. And now by trying to win a future for humanity, they gave up their own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't seem to balance the level of silliness and angst. It turned out not being funny at all and just a little bit angsty. I think? (I rewrote this chapter at least three times, need to post it before losing my mind).
> 
> (had to change the tags a little)
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think~

For the hundredth time Levi found himself sitting on the sofa in Erwin’s office, but for a change the commander wasn’t there. With nothing better to do Levi spread himself comfortably contemplating a nap – somehow it was always easier at Erwin’s. His mind appeared to have a better idea than dreamless rest though and his thoughts started drifting into rather unusual directions – like the feeling of Eren’s skin on his own or the sensation that his touches and smiles elicit inside Levi.

They didn’t touch often, but when they did it was always filled with a meaning and significance of some kind (but was it for Eren too?). Levi imagined how soothing Eren’s close proximity was and he allowed those thoughts to slowly replace his usual more unpleasant ones. Such trail of thought wasn’t entirely unwelcome. Instead of typical pang of trepidation he felt a different kind of twinge took its place. Like anticipation of some kind. Hope?

Yet, the same pleasing feelings made it even harder on him, paradoxically so.

Throughout the years Levi taught himself to ignore the inevitable uncertainty and anxiety clenching his heart. But the more time he spent with his new squad – the more he _enjoyed_ it – the harder it was to push the dread and worry back into his subconsciousness.

 

 

Erwin almost dropped the trace with his dinner trying to close the door with his elbow. With some remorse he couldn't hide from Levi, Erwin allowed the other man to help. They both ended up sitting across each other nibbling at Erwin’s food displayed on the desk before them.

It was evident to Erwin how miserable Levi seemed to feel looking almost fragile in his big chair. It was rather normal for Levi to brood before expeditions, he reckoned, but this time Erwin couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. Because while current circumstances seemed to affect Levi acutely, Erwin felt himself engulfed by excitement and anticipation more than worry.

Luckily, Erwin was acquainted with his dear captain long enough to know that as much as the premonition of finding the truth about titans helps numbing Erwin’s fears, the one thing that could do that to Levi was something entirely different. And so in an attempt to lift Levi’s spirit a little Erwin brought up the appropriate subject.

‘Have they started yet?’

Levi seemed taken aback a little by this sudden enquiry yet exactly knew what Erwin was referring to.

‘Apparently’ he answered.

‘And we didn’t get any invitations?’ the commander asked mockingly outraged and that seemed to work on Levi as the corners of his mouth jerked slightly upwards.

Usually it was the two of them who let themselves numb their nerves over a beer or two (or eight) on one of the nights before expeditions. Erwin looked back with sentiment to those evenings when he could beat Levi in chess, to be completely crushed by him in poker in return.

Erwin slowly started regretting the permission he’d given to the kids to have their way with alcohol tonight, forcing Levi and himself to stay on alert and watch over them. He was briefly wondering if Levi was thinking the same as he saw captain’s eyes slowly drift towards the cabinet where he knew Erwin kept a carafe of rum from Shadis.

A short knock was heard and then the office door swung open as Hanji let herself in, shortly followed by Moblid.

‘Do you know they’re actually frying potatoes?’ she asked without any preamble and slammed herself on the sofa. ‘Aren’t they getting a bit ahead of themselves?’

Erwin shrugged at her question and scowled at Levi who took a long sip of his coffee.

‘They’re so audacious, like having your permission for this little event makes them impune’ she shot at Levi with reproach.

‘Doesn’t it?’ the man teased shooting her a smirk, his mood visibly lifting.

Moblid snorted from where he was standing next to the couch which gained him a look of betrayal from his squad leader.

‘Aren’t you just being jealous?’ Erwin pointed out with amusement.

‘Well of course I’m jealous! What’s there to _not_ be jealous about?’ Hanji shouted throwing a folder she was holding towards Moblid who barely caught it, surprised. ‘They’re young, drinking their asses off and stuffing themselves with some stolen food! Not to mention half of them is probably gonna get laid tonight.’

Moblid hid his face behind the report pages, Erwin laughed silently.

‘Why only half?’ Levi asked genuinely curious.

‘Well the other half will be too drunk to have any idea where to stick what’ she stated matter of factly and Levi had to hide his amusement by taking another sip of Erwin’s lukewarm coffee.

‘Hanji,’ the commander started ‘I know we can’t really drink tonight, but no one is stopping you from exploring your’ he hesitated, ‘ _other_ needs.’

Moblid shuffled through report pages his cheeks flushed, poorly pretending to reread something.

‘Is that a proposition, Commander?’ Hanji asked playfully winking at Erwin. Levi cringed. ‘You know, we put Levi to bed and then, the night is o– _Ouch!_ ’

‘You don’t have time for that!’ Moblit fumed, smacking Hanji’s head with handful of papers.

‘I was just kidding, damn!’ she hissed in return but smiled at her subordinate, exchanging a knowing look with Erwin.

Levi stopped listening as he felt annoyance built in his guts. Because now that Hanji mentioned the subject it was hard for Levi to disregard his own unresolved urges.

It’s like with breathing, Levi realized. You just do it mechanically, without thinking and the omnipresent need for air goes unnoticed. But then when you consciously acknowledge the act of breathing, you suddenly start craving every single breath and find yourself longing for deep inhales and fresh air.

And one could think that tearing humanity from between monsters’ jaws would numb all unnecessary desires.

He remembered talking with Hanji few months prior when they stumbled on the same subject. He asked her then, why in hell would he still feel lust. How come he found himself releasing this thirst hurriedly, sometimes even in the middle of the expedition? While they were struggling to live through every day, bodies tired and bruised.

She didn’t seem to have a scientifically proved answer. Personally, she believed it was actually _because_ they were on what could be called – the edge of extinction – that their biological instincts demanded them to copulate and reproduce.

That answer almost satisfied Levi. (Almost, as it still didn’t explain his personal preference to fuck men though, but he somehow failed to mention that back then.)

And of course his thoughts would come back involuntarily to his young squad members. They’re in the best age to start all that shit. Fucking, marrying, maybe even falling in love – _reproducing_ as Hanji’d called it.

Yet here they were, with stolen childhoods, dead families. And now by trying to win a future for humanity, they gave up their own.

He did feel kind of content with himself today though, for allowing them to organize this mess of a party. Levi hoped they would actually feel like teenagers for a while not soldiers. Damn, even in the underground, no matter how hard it was there were times for stolen booze and innocent fuck now and then.

A set of determined eyes crossed Levi’s mind and he imagined Eren smiling right now. Maybe making fun of Jean or laughing at one of Armin’s so called jokes. He wished Eren could be able to smile every day. But most of all, he realised, he sought to _see_ that smile.

For all the aggravation he showed over Erwin’s and Hanji’s picking on his doting over Eren, he really didn’t mind it. Levi didn’t deny Eren being special to him. He just had no idea when and how it started to be the case, and that tended to unnerve him a little.

‘Want to see how their doing?’ Erwin asked suddenly, looking at Levi intently.

Levi realized that Hanji and Moblid had already left.

He didn’t know how much Erwin read from watching his face but apparently enough to stand up and start heading towards the door without waiting for any verbal answer.

 

 

What they walked in on after entering the party room was the last thing they expected. Or at least what Levi had expected to see – instead of drunkly chatting bunch of kids, they saw the young people crammed together at a small table. Heads hovering over their drinks – faces grim, eyes watery and pensive.

Levi noticed Erwin glancing at him with concern (over the kids or Levi himself, the captain couldn’t tell).

Eren noticed them and looked at Levi with bemusement. Of course it was Eren to notice him first. He shot from his place at the table brows drawn together as he walked towards the man at the door.

‘What’s wrong, Captain?’ he asked concern in his voice. Levi’s face must have been twisted awfully to make Eren so obviously worried. Levi was just so very... disappointed? He was stupid to think any amount of alcohol could turn his young soldiers into blithe teenagers again.

Defeated, Levi stared at Eren with lack of things to say. He wasn’t accustomed to being useless and that’s exactly how he felt right now. As many times before, Erwin came to his aid.

‘And what’s with the grave atmosphere? I thought you were holding a party not a funeral.’

Eren smiled bitterly, more out of politeness that amusement while he answered.

‘Well, we were having fun. We are, just...’ he hesitated, ‘we started talking about how we all met for the first time and all...’

They all knew where it was going. 

‘And like how we all used to be brats and how we changed, and how... how there were more of us.’ Eren continued, his voice slightly hoarse.

Everyone imagined the same faces without any names mentioned. Erwin hummed at that.

‘I’m sure Levi would disagree,’ the commander said and all heads turned to him in confusion, even Levi’s. ‘Didn’t you just say the other day that all your squad members are, how did you put it? _Dumb brats_?’

Everyone moved their gazes to Levi, eyebrows rising expectantly.

‘So it’s not really a past tense, Eren.’ Erwin added and Levi cocked his head to the side with contemplative expression, eventually slowly nodding in agreement. ‘But if you ask me, I knew a much worse brat than all of you put together. Have I told you how I had to deal with Levi’s immature behaviour when he first joined?’

Everyone in the room seemed to suddenly animated, shaking their heads. Eren almost jumped at the thought of knowing something more about his captain’s past. He quickly run towards his chair and offered it to Erwin, then swiftly held Armin up to take his place and sited the boy back on his lap, which elicited a short yelp from Armin and set of incredulous looks from Jean and the youngest girl. The rest of the gathering watched Erwin patiently waiting for him to continue.

Levi quickly shook away his bewilderment.

‘What the...?! Stop spilling shit Erwin!’ he grumbled and went to sit on Connie’s chair throwing the boy onto the floor in the process. ‘I was the most compliant out of all your useless subordinates.’

‘Of course you were,’ Erwin replied without missing a bit and that kind of put Levi aback. ‘You were most obedient to me.’

Fighting a blush that threatened to show on his cheeks with no apparent reason, Levi tried to not look sheepish in front of all this audience. But Erwin continued mercilessly.

‘Yet, when it came to showing respect to other superiors... well that’s a whole different matter.’ He concluded, eliciting poorly covered scoffs and sniggers from the youths. 

‘Oh go fuck yourself, do some paperwork or’ Levi answered finishing the sentence with a shrug.

‘How about a chess tournament?’ Erwin asked and Armin shouted a delighted ‘ _yes!_ ’, as for the others... well they politely restrained from responding.

Levi scoffed and turned to Connie.

‘Do you have the deck I gave you?’

The boy smiled nodding enthusiastically; he then rushed out of the room to be back with two used decks of cards and a chair for himself.

 

 

Around two hours later Erwin watched the gathering, calmly sipping his glass of vine (just one he allowed himself tonight). The only ones still playing were Levi and Sasha, as the girl seemed to be the only one to match Levi’s card abilities. Connie cheered for the Captain to spite with Sasha who crushed him during the last hand.

Another subgroup that formed on the other side of the table included Eren with Armin still sitting on his lap, and Mikasa on the chair right next to them. The girl tried to shoot small bits of apple into Armin’s open mouth, scoffing slightly (which in her case could be considered a wholehearted laugh) while Eren jumped up just before the fruit could reach it’s goal. The tree of them laughed surrounded by scattered bits of food.

Sitting on the sofa, Jean and a young girl (who’s name Erwin couldn’t recall yet) seemed to form an unspoken alliance as they sat arm in arm, silently sipping their vine and glaring daggers at Eren who's arms were tightly holding Armin’s waist.

Erwin excused himself quietly without actually drawing anyone’s attention. 

Later in the night he heard Levi checking on him in the office and putting a blanket over his arms, as he dozed off on his desk over a pile of reports. He wasn't sure if the whispered _'thank you'_   was from Levi or just a part of his dream.

 

 

Like on cue, Levi woke up earlier the next morning to deal with a mess his squad surely left after last night. Good mood that lulled him to sleep after he left the kids laughing and playing on, was starting to leave him as he remembered all the spilled sticky wine, bits of food and cups scattered over the floor. It looked bad few hours prior and Levi started wondering how it would look now; how it would smell like – _oh God_. Levi’s head started pulsing unpleasantly at the thought. He just hoped there would be no puke.

Levi didn’t forget about the promise he made yesterday and went to wake up the group of young recruits who were supposed to help him with all the cleaning. The kids were yawning and shooting angry looks between each other, obviously annoyed that Levi actually made them do chores before the sun even started rising. Of course none of them dared to voice any objections as they followed Levi in a sleepy haze.

When he pushed the door to the common room, Levi found himself stunned once again just as he did the night before. No, stunned would be an understatement – he could hardly hold his mouth closed, standing at the door a hand still on the handle as he took in the sight, shocked.

As he didn’t move for a while, the sleepy soldiers behind him started shuffling impatiently. And finally made one of them walk closer and look over Levi’s shoulder.

‘It looks like your help won’t be needed after all.’ Levi startled the girl, whispering and turning to face all of them. ‘Go back to beds.’

Questions immediately died on their lips as they decided it was not worth to risk Levi changing his mind and making them do other chores. They turned and hurried to their respectful banks without a word.

 

 

Levi let himself into the room then, leaving the door ajar not to make too much noise. He took another look around – a broom and bucked full of used water rested in the far corner, the floor was swept and polished, all the glasses gone presumably clean in the kitchen. Table and chairs were lined neatly next to an old sofa. A small window left slightly open letting fresh frisky air in along with first rays of rising sun.

There in one of the chairs sat Eren. Head resting on crossed arms on the table, a gray cloth still in his hand. He was snoring slightly with neck bent uncomfortably. Levi walked cautiously towards the table trying not to make any sound with his boots. He stood over the sleeping boy slowly studying his face, part after part – Eren’s dishevelled hair that covered his forehead and half of his eyes, his pointy nose and coloured cheeks; then slightly open, dry lips. Levi looked at his jaw with no trace of stubble, seemingly so smooth (was Eren shaving yet?). Levi wanted to touch that skin he new would feel unnaturally warm, feverish.

(No matter how much time he spend with the boy, the first thing to cross his mind when he touched Eren was this unnerving feeling of alarm over his health that slowly turned into usual pleasant anticipation when he realised that raised temperature was normal for the boy.)

And so he reached to touch, but instead of the jaw he brushed the hair from Eren’s eyes and pressed his hand farther through the locks caressing Eren’s scalp. A sight escaped both of their lips. (Why was Eren special? Why was Eren so very precious to him? He wanted to- )

With almost inhuman speed Levi drew his hand back when his peripheral vision caught a tall silhouette at the door.

‘I’m just waking him–l” shot Levi and cringed, realising how defensive he sounded, making himself look guilty of something (maybe he actually was?). He cursed inwardly at this mechanical need to explain himself to Erwin.

The man stood at the door with indistinct expression scrutinizing Levi for a long few seconds before smiling fondly. But only with his eyes (Levi doubted someone else would even notice the change). Levi held the understanding stare feeling oddly comforted.

Their attention turned to Eren as he stretched and straightened, apparently woken up by Levi’s outburst. His eyes were foggy as he blinked between his two superiors. Then his gaze turned to the room.

‘Oh!’ he shouted voice still heavy with sleep. ‘I must’ve... I almost finished!’

‘Take him to bed Levi’ Erwin said before walking away to where he was headed, briefly looking at Eren’s failed attempt to stand straight without leaning on the table.

‘I know.’ Like Levi would let the boy do anything while tired like that. ‘Did you sleep at all?’

It took Eren some time to register that the question was directed at him.

‘Yeah,’ he said with a yawn and quickly corrected himself ‘Yes, sir. Around two hours, after we finished. I think. But I wanted to clean this up before you woke up. And I was so close!’

Levi watched Eren scrawl at the cleaning supplies he left in the corner.

‘The only thing you did was spare those new brats from a solid cleaning lesson’ Levi concluded.

Eren gazed at him with disappointment mixed with shame at being scolded. Levi knew that expression well and didn’t like it one bit. So he continued;

‘But you did a good job, much better that the kids would do’ Levi could see Eren’d demeanour changing instantly, he seemed to literally swell over the praise. ‘Obviously’ Levi added for good measure.

‘Thank you!’ the boy shouted smiling yet lacking the usual enthusiasm. Two-hour sleep wasn’t enough to regenerate after a night of drinking even with his inhuman powers.

‘Go to bed.’

‘Yeah’ Eren answered but made no attempt at moving from where he leaned against the table.

Levi sighed. He reached with his arm and embraced Eren’s waist holding him straight against his side rather than the table. He had to make a mental effort to look ahead instead of at the bizarre look at boy’s shocked, sleepy face. Instead of shying away though, as Eren would usually do, he sighed and allowed his weight rest on the captain.

It always surprised Levi how Eren could feel so unperturbed by his presence lately, and the men felt himself proud, embarrassingly so. He well remembered how only a few weeks prior there was no way for Eren to be so sloppy and relaxed in front of Levi. There was no exact moment in the past that he could pinpoint as to when the change happened – they just slowly started talking more, touching more – to the point where Levi felt impatient and craving for Eren, should they not see each other longer than few hours. Yet another thing that made him restless lately.

Levi tried to remain unfazed, futilely so. He tensed when Eren decided to lay his head in the crook of Levi’s neck. There was no way that position was comfortable given their height difference.

‘Sorry, Captain.’ Eren whispered with no meaning to apologise whatsoever.

Levi felt Eren’s eyelashes tickle at his neck when the boy closed his eyes ostensibly falling back asleep. Levi stopped himself from sighing at that, afraid that his breath would come out quivering.

When the captain got used to Eren’s warmth against his side – well not entirely, he would probably never got used to how touching Eren felt – he moved to start walking. Eren complied dragging his legs slowly, barely lifting them. It seemed to Levi they took almost half an hour to make it pass the door.

Levi contemplated throwing Eren over his shoulder to just carry him to the sleeping quarters, before the tempo would drive him crazy. He decided against it as he remembered how the position could prompt vomiting.

When Levi stopped for a second to see what Eren would do, and realised that the boy simply leaned on him further his breathing evening out, Levi felt certain there was no way they could make it to the bedroom before lunch. So he shifted his position and hoisted Eren up into his arms, long limbs swinging over his arm and shoulders. 

To Levi’s surprise Eren didn’t seem fazed, immediately falling further asleep as he made himself comfortable – his head buried back into Levi’s neck. (Levi wondered for a second if this position wasn’t about to make him lose his mind faster that the sluggish walking.)

He noted that Eren was heavier than anticipated. It was still not even close to the weight he couldn’t handle though. When he got used to the feeling of Eren in his arms Levi dared to glance at the unconscious face beneath. He didn’t realise they were so close that the movement would make his chin brash Eren’s cheek. At that Levi’s insides seemed to clench suddenly making the blood rushed to his face, warming his cheeks and ears then all his chest and rest of the body.

Surely, it was the exertion of walking up the stairs that made Levi all burning hot. He was certain. Probably.

The man seemed to calm himself as he walked through a long, dim corridor at the end of which waited Eren’s room.  
Last bits of sunlight left Eren’s face making him look uncharacteristically pale. The clatter of Levi’s boots over the stone floor echoed through the corridor and suddenly he couldn’t hear Eren’s even breathing anymore. A cold sweat replaced the heat over his chest.

He still could smell Eren right next to him, his greasy hair and alcohol tinted sweat. Levi’s arms seemed to tire and Eren’s motionless weight started to burden him. It reminded Levi of other bodies he is used to carry – the cold, lifeless bodies of soldiers after every expedition. _Will it come to that? Will he be forced to carry Eren’s corpse over the fields one day?_ All his insides clenched further to the point of pain as dread replaced the keenness he felt just a minute ago.

He leaned tucking the boy as close to his body as he could. He wanted to hear his breath, feel his warmth. He pressed his face to Eren’s cheek. The boy unconsciously drew his arms over Levi’s shoulders without even waking up. It calmed Levi moderately but the dreary feeling that found its way into Levi’s chest didn’t seem to leave easily.

 

 

Putting Eren to bed appeared to be a challenge. Holding the boy and moving the blankets away left Levi crouching weirdly next to the bed, one knee resting on the mattress. As he laid Eren down he suddenly felt impossibly exhausted, so he steeled himself leaning over the boy and allowed his head rest on Eren's chest.

Levi inhaled deeply trying to encode the smell into his mind, into all his body. He traced his nose up over Eren’s chest slowly, feeling his skin under a thin material, wrinkling his shirt. Against his delicate neck, slower. Up to the face where he allowed his head to hover over. He involuntarily looked at Eren’s lips – parted again – even breaths leaving his mouth.

‘Pervert’ Levi whispered into the quiet room, lifting himself away from Eren’s sleeping figure.

He would kiss Eren goodnight, Levi promised himself. One day. When the boy will be awake, looking at him with anticipation and warmth. When Eren will reach for him and lean into his neck without sleep clouding his conscious (if Eren ever reached for him).

Levi left the room in haste with one tiny regret blooming in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! please note that English is not my mother tongue, if you find some twisted grammar or words used totally wrong feel free to point it out (just maybe don't be too mean about it? Though I'll try to take it on the chin :P). Cheers!


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